Mary Daly is dead.

And while I'm not one to celebrate death, I say good riddance to bad rubbish.

She was a symbol of so much of what's wrong with feminism as a movement. Blatantly racist and violently transphobic, with a narrow view of 'womanhood' that excluded women not like her. Her violent, transmisogynist, eliminationist rhetoric lives on, though.

I want to say her passing is the end of an era.

Want to say it. But can't. I'm not a fan of lying, and feminism as a movement is still intensely transphobic.

Mary Daly is dead, but transphobia in feminism lives on.

I will not miss her, and I will not mourn her.

Instead, I will hope for a day when feminism becomes a movement for all women, and not just the straight white cis ones.

God help me, I'm on twitter.

No, seriously. Go check. twitter.com/calixti. It exists.

I have been very nonposty lately, for which I'm sorry. I've been busy with several papers for school, including extra ones to make up for days missed, and job-hunting, because I feel bad for my parents bailing me out on rent and it looks like my dad's about to lose his job--on the plus side, I'm probably taking next semester off which frees me to apply for jobs at places I can only get to by bus, which means places I haven't been applying to for the past six months.

But yeah, I'm not dead, hospitalised, or otherwise out of play. In case anyone was wondering. Just tired, sore, dead broke, and with a lot to do.

Posts coming up, hopefully within the next month or so:

Disability and identity
A paper on Glee and the VSE about disability
Reviews of Glee, starting with tonight's episode (expect that one more soonish)
Bullshit intelligent/learning disabled false dichotomy
Damned if you do, damned if you don't re: depression and acting 'positive'
My own issues with self-harm (yeah, I do, sometimes and have for years)
Dealing with chronic pain in group settings (that one's on the 'maybe' list)

If/when I take a semester off, I may start doing informal book reviews too, assuming I have the time and energy for close reading and note-taking.

Meloukhia outlines the problems with feministing.

Quixotess reminds us that this is still a problem, because feministing hasn't actually done anything about it. The suggestions have been ignored, the comments in their token thread are dead.

I took feministing off my RSS feed some time ago, but as of today I am officially boycotting them. I hope you'll join me.

Edited for a misspelling of Quix's name. Sorry! >.<

ETA: Quixotess's plea for a boycott is far more eloquent than mine, and has more background information. I suggest you go read it too.

For y'all that pay attention to that sort of thing, my LJ's got a new theme. I was tired of the old one, it was a bit cutesy for my taste (though when I started this a couple years ago, I loved it--how things change, huh?). I also changed the subtitle to reflect that I'm doing more than just vague college-y related updates for my friends, and you can expect to see more posts on disability, FA, and feminism in the near and for the foreseeable future. 

Confession: I'm fat.

And unhealthy.

And invisibly disabled.

And yeah, they're probably related.

A major downside to being flatbound 'cause of crippling anxiety and dealing with epic depression was no energy to exercise, and not being able to go outside to do so anyway.

Now I'm on anxiety meds and antidepressants. I still don't have the energy to exercise, and I'm still flatbound, because the anxiety meds make so SO. INCREDIBLY. TIRED. I just made a sandwich for lunch, because I'm starving (that's a plus to the antidepressants--I'm able to notice when I'm hungry again) and I'm wiped out. Just from making a peanut butter and apple butter sandwich, I'm exhausted.

While my appearance hasn't changed, I've gained about fifteen pounds, according to my doctor. Because I literally have not been able to exercise, and because I haven't been eating nearly enough, causing my body to cling to and NOT LET GO of whatever I *have* eaten.

Now, besides anxiety and depression, I also have clinical insomnia, and have since I was a child. Clinical insomnia isn't not being able to sleep every now and then for a long time (at least not for me); clinical insomnia is not being able to get to sleep at night, no matter how exhausted you are. It's crawling to bed at night, sometimes literally because you've worked so hard to exhaust yourself that day, then praying to every god you believe in and probably a few you don't, that you'll be able to rest tonight.

(Of course, when the anxiety and depression flare up really badly, I don't *need* to work to exhaust myself, it's a standard feature. But I still can't sleep.)

Oh. Obesity has been linked to a lack of sleep. And I started getting fat as a child when I started being unable to sleep, started dealing with chronic pain, anxiety and depression, and started steroid treatment to keep my lungs working.

You can't tell any of that by looking at me. And frankly? It's none of your business. In person, if you asked, and I didn't have the relative anonymity of the internet, I'd either ignore you or tell you to sod off, depending on how many spoons I had left.

In short, and to reiterate what I said at the start, it's none of your business why a fat person's fat. It's none of your business if they're healthy or not either--they may be, they may not be. If they aren't, it may or may not be related to their fat in some way. Either way, it's still none of your business because health is not a measure of morality, and because everyone deserves basic dignity and respect on the grounds of shared humanity.

Clear, y'all?

Good.

(This is largely crossposted from the FA and HAES thread on gaiaonline.com.)

I know everyone says they love their pets, and their pets are the best, but hear me out. I do love my cats, and they are the best. Know why?

Because when I start crying for no apparent reason, Tiger will jump on the arm of my chair or climb in my lap and start purring.
Because on nights I'm lucky enough to fall asleep, and wake up and can't breathe because of a nightmare, Duke will be next to me and he'll meow and nuzzle my face and bring me back to reality.
Because when I'm clawing at my skin and don't even notice what I'm doing, they'll headbutt my palms for scratches
Because I haven't killed myself due to fear of who would take care of them, and fear that they'd starve before I was found.

I love my cats.

And tomorrow I'm making an appointment with psychological services at the health centre to get help.

I'm thinking of writing a post about the bullshit ableist "intelligent/stupid or learning disabled" false dichotomy I've seen so often around me. Would anyone actually be interested in reading it?

I need something new to read. To that end, I'm seeking recommendations for feminist fantasy or sci-fi--preferably not LeGuin or Bradley, as I'm tired of them, and preferably not YA, as I'm sick of it. So. Any suggestions?

I'm exhausted. I'm in pain. I can't sleep. And I'm sick and bloody tired of this as my default state of being.

I love this show. Really, really do, partly because it could be my high school and my old town. And I'm barely exaggerating.

But Christ on a cracker, ( do you really want to know about what bits annoy me? )
On a final note, I think part of me desperately wants to start shipping Rachel/Quinn based on the end of this week's episode. I teared up, for real. Yeah, I'm a sap.

The other day, when I walked into my English class, I found a stack of ads on my desk and scattered on the other desks in the room.

Someone explain to me, on what planet is it appropriate to equate this:



and this:





No, really. The latter is a real ad, found in my classroom on campus. Shouldn't be surprising; aren't college-age douchebags kind of Axe's target audience? But walking into an empty classroom and finding these ads on the desk still enraged me.



Why? Because the woman in the ad is portrayed as an object. She's headless, has no identity, and exists as a passive thing to be acted upon ('wash me,' seriously?). She's supposed to be a personification of sex, so thin but tan, big boobs, defined waist and hips but very low body fat; she's even got a hipbone visible lest you think her hips and breasts mean she's fat. Because fat women can't be sexy in the Axe universe either.



I know Axe ads have always been sexist and misogynistic, but I think this is the first time I've seen them literally treat women as objects, things to be acted upon, possessing no will of their own. And expected or not, it still pisses me off. These are ads meant to appeal tostraight cis men my age ('people' in Axeworld—I guess women, homosexuals, and trans people just don't exist there, except as 'humour' or objects).



Say it with me, Axe advertisers: women are not objects.



Aw, who am I kidding? In Axeworld, if I even exist (a fat lesbian? Not likely), I'm an object. Unilever must really not want my money.

AS OF ONE MINUTE AGO, I AM TWENTY-ONE YEARS OLD. HOORAY!

LESS THAN A WEEK UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!!!! ♥

I am very excited, ohyes. Very, very excited. Almost as excited as I was for CoE. WHICH IS VERY EXCITED INDEED.

I'm going to be in Bellevue on my birthday and the day after, which means getting to hang out with my two best friends, sephirothflame and sachiela , both of whom I love and miss. WE ARE SO HANGING OUT, YOU TWO.

Admittedly, the reason I'm going to be in Bellevue isn't so fun; I've got to renew my military ID due to turning twenty-one. Normally, I'd have to surrender it, but as a college student, I'm considered a dependent until I turn twenty-four. And probably the day after my birthday, my parents are coming down to Lincoln to get my dad's disability paperwork and stuff filed with the VA, so my schooling will be paid for too. That's all less fun.

But I am totes spending at least part of my birthday with my two best friends, and that fills me with GLEE!


♥

More Veg*n Than Thou bullshit.

Not all vegans subscribe to the "abolitionist" approach to animal rights. Also, hai thar, appropriation of the struggle for equal rights for African-Americans!

Refusal to subscribe to the "abolitionist" approach does not make them not vegan. It makes them vegans who don't believe having a pet puppy is exploitative and omgbad.

There is one thing that makes a vegan, vegan. That is not using animal products. End of story.

As a side note, I don't believe in animal rights. I spit on PeTA and think "abolitionists" are full of shit. I do not want the meat industry or the dairy industry done away with.

I'm a welfarist. I want them reformed.

I firmly believe that animals bred and raised for consumption or use are entitled to happy, peaceful lives, and when slaughtered, deserve to be killed in the most painless manner possible.

I acknowledge that meat and meat products are an easy and convenient source for some vital nutrients, and understand that some people exhibit symptoms of malnutrition and FTT on veg*n diets, no matter how nutritionally complete.

I do think that people who eat red meat daily or several times a week should probably cut back, but that's more a health thing than an animal thing.

None of that makes me not a vegetarian. None of that means I don't love animals.

It means I'm not a self-righteous, idiotic little twit who considers herself superior due to diet.

TL;DR version: HEY, SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH THE MORE VEG*N THAN THOU SHIT, YOU'RE MAKING SANE VEGETARIANS LIKE ME LOOK BAD.

Excuse me while I complain about Doctor Who for a minute.

Doctor Who's new assistant Karen Gillan has hot chemistry with new guy Matt Smith

NO NO NO NO NO. DO NOT WANT. BAD MOFFAT. VERY BAD MOFFAT. MAJOR DNW. I OBJECT! BRING BACK ASEXUAL DOCTOR!

*throws a tantrum*

Okay, I'm done. For now.

My left eye's been twitching since last night. Usually that means I'm going to be hit with a suicide headache pretty soon, but pain spiked at just about the upper limit of manageable and it's stayed between that and too bad to ignore for nearly twenty-four hours now. That's pretty unusual, even for my headaches. Kind of annoying. :/

But forget about that. PRIDE'S TOMORROW. Well, technically it starts tonight in an hour or two, there's a show at Panic, but I really don't feel like going to Panic when I can't drink. I cannot tell you how much it sucks for Pride to be a week and a half before I turn 21. Because it does. A lot. ^_^;

Tomorrow's celebration goes from two in the afternoon to about midnight, iirc. Seeing as how I'm both cheap and poor, I'm going to pack my bag with some foodstuffs, I'm just undecided if I'll just pack a few onigiri and call it good or pack my bento box for dinner. Because I kind of really, really want to play with the onigiri makers I ordered from Jlist, since they just arrived today! Yeah, I'm lazy when it comes to making onigiri. And don't like red, painful hands. They suck. So I ordered onigiri makers AND I WANT TO PLAY WITH THEM.

...yes, I'm sort of easily excitable when it comes to kitchen stuff. I was excited about my wonderful pre-seasoned carbon steel wok that I found on clearance too, so what? DON'T JUDGE ME. >_>

Overall, hopefully a good weekend coming up. And what is this? Two updates within a week? *gasp* Does that mean I'm actually remembering this thing exists?

Yes. It does. ^____^

Now. Back to Sailor Moon, as I typed this during the ending theme of one episode and the opening of another. >.>

HOW OUTRAGEOUSLY ADORABLE ARE THEY? ♥ ♥ ♥

Anyway. Been a rough few days, as I've been sick. Feeling mostly better today, but going to the doctor if whatever I've got isn't gone by the end of the week. T_T

Mum and Dad are going to the doctor again next week (GP this time, not neurologist or neuropsych) to get the disability paperwork, then they're going to come down here to visit the VA and get everything straightened out, so I should have funding for the upcoming semester in place within a few weeks if all goes well with the VA. Which would be nice, though I still don't really like getting funding because my dad's sick.

My sister, on the other hand...

( Cut for bitching about family. )

On a happier note, PRIDE IS THIS WEEKEND. I'm totally going, even though it's hosted by Panic (local queer bar) and it's a week and a half before my birthday. It means getting out of my flat, possibly meeting new people, since all my friends are with their families and away from Lincoln for the summer.

Speaking of friends, sephirothflame, YOU AND sachiela TOTES NEED TO VISIT ME BEFORE SUMMER'S OVER. ♥ ♥ I've even got space for you two to stay for a few days, if you want. IT WOULD BE AWESOME AND I MISS YOU TWO ANYWAY. ♥ ♥ Please? *hopeful puppy-eyes*

So. Furniture delayed AGAIN. And my mum has no fucking clue when she'll be able to get the boys to bring it down--now she's saying "the first non-rainy day." I've been furniture-less for a month. First, I was going to get it the weekend right after finals, May ninth or tenth. Then, the Thursday after. Then, the weekend after. And so on and so forth until now, when she CAN'T EVEN GIVE ME A DAY. And I start class tomorrow! ARGH. I've been sleeping on a hugely uncomfortable narrow air mattress that I keep falling off of, and have nowhere to study!

I am very, very angry right now. Can you tell?

Trying to calm myself by cooking, except I HAVE NO SPACE TO COOK. My table's covered with stuff that SHOULD be on my bookcases, which I was supposed to have A MONTH AGO, and my mum's told me to NOT clear off the table so that there's space to move my furniture in if it ever gets down here.

I need ice cream. ;_;

I also need a job. I'm on academic probation (boo!), which means no work study, which means I have to go job-hunting in downtown Lincoln. Which will probably be unpleasant at best. But I need money--even with my rent paid through November, my savings won't last forever, and I need to buy textbooks and such. Siiiiiigh.

I'm strongly considering getting dressed and going to the supermarket for that ice cream.

THE EXCLAMATION POINTS SYMBOLISE MY GLEE AT ITEM ONE, MY WTF?! AT ITEM TWO, AND MY RAGE AT ITEM THREE. THE ITEMS, IN ORDER:

1. I have the Mrs. Santa Claus soundtrack! *dies of glee and listens to "We Don't Go Together At All" on repeat*

Gah, love it love it love it. Mrs. Santa Claus is my favourite Christmas movie EVER and the soundtrack is so so fun. ♥

2. Doctor Killed for Giving Abortions: Justice or Crime?

omgwtf. I know it's Gaia and all, but WTF WHY IS THAT SERIOUSLY A QUESTION?

3. Somewhat related to two. From Erica at Shakesville: Fuck you, PETA, featuring some truly disgusting ads PETA's using IN WICHITA. I second the desire for some form of anti-donation, though the foie gras comment isn't funny. :/

SO. MY NOSY LITTLE HEART WANTS TO KNOW, WHAT IS ANYBODY AWAKE AT THREE AM DOING? :D